Modification

Finances are tough for us all.  I'm an educated person, but It seems you need a doctorate in finance and work full time on making everything work.  Jed and I have been responsible people our whole lives.  We have extended ourselves financially over and over again for others.  We have been blessed with the opportunity to do just that.  We had good jobs and came from supportive families. 

Now everything is different.  Since the accident the bottom fell out.  We've lost almost everything we had and are looking at loosing more. 

Books and books could be written about these past 27 months, but today I'm going to focus on our home. 

We were fat.  We were risky.  Some would say we were foolish.  What ever we were, we believed in our ability to make right the risks we made.  And then he fell.  We were deep into credit card debt and mortgaged our home to finance a remarkable venture which is now gone along with our credit. 

After the fall and once I got a handle on our new life, I sent hardship letters to all our creditors.  Everyone has worked with us and we are completely out of debt.  Except for the house. 

So here's how it has gone, for 27 months.  After the hardship letter, the mortgage company advised me to not pay for 6 months, and then they could give me a modification.  So I did what they said.  Then they asked me to fax them what ended up about 4 inches of paperwork.  Which I did.  Then I did it again.  Then again.  All because they said they needed to "get it to the right people in their company to help."  Then they told me to pay the mortage for 6 months so they could see good faith.  So I did.  Then they told me they couldn't help me because I didn't make enough money.  And, the mortgage company and I have played this game now for 27 months.  They come back and say they'll try this program or that program and I might qualify if I just fax another pile of paperwork and pay another chunk of money.   Finally we hired a lawyer and gave him $4000 that I would much rather have paid to the mortgage company.  The lawyer gave us some assurance until last week when we got a new notice of doom on its way.  The lawyer says, "relax" we've got time.  Relax. 

In the meantime, I've put out a bunch on money adapting the house so that Jed can take a shower and get in and out of the house in his wheelchair. 

Something is really wrong here.  I'm not expecting miracles, but it's just really hard to, "relax"  when I've had good faith this entire time.  Shit, if I thought they wouldn't help by modifying the loan we would have walked away from this place months ago and put all the money that I've put into adapting the house into a rental that I could afford. 

Does anybody know what I should do?  If you say pray, I'm doing it.  If you say work harder, I'm doing it.  If you say, believe in the system, it's fading.  Let go, let God is about all I can come up with.