Friday, February 25, 2011

Do Mirrors Lie?

The person I see in my mind and the person I see in the mirror are two different people.  Care giving takes its tole.  Be aware, we will all become care givers if we're lucky enough.  I mean, really, what's our option.  We either "grow up" to give cares to someone we love enough to give ourseves to, or we don't love enough to give of ourselves. 

So, in spite of the mirror, I move on.  Tonight I'm marinating fish.  Fish that was caught by a determined brain cancer "surviror" who fought wits to fins in a battle of "who's gonna live longer," and he won.  So, we will watch the Oscars with a new band of friends; ones who battle life daily, ones who have their medical marijuana cards and truely need it, ones whos hearts have said, "pay attention!" and ones who come with unawareness that life is a game of tricks.  We will eat that fine fish who gave his life to validate another, and we will laugh and poke fun of the mirror.  We all see ourselves different than others do. 

Mirror, mirror on the wall.  Truth is Jed and I have a remarkable life.  This is not what we planned or hoped for, but it is remarkable.  How do you evaluate a life, marriage?   It has to be in passion. Passion for saving what you have, and moving to a new growth place; leaving the old stuff behind and being open like a flower in rain to the new stuff ahead.  New vine.  We've been prunned.  Prunned of the old self.   Newness is a fresh baby not to be killed. 

My dear friend told me to get busy writing, so here it is.  Life is good and rich and worthwhile, and whether you are the catcher of fish, or the giver of care, or the see of it all, life is good. 

And God is in control of it all.  We are receivers of the big picture.  For me, the mirror says, " you are getting old and very fat,"  but it's okay.  This care giving experience that I have been provided,  has been glorious.  I have been taxed to my capacity as well as moved to the greatest emotion humanly possible.  We move on toward something beyond ourselves.  Anger, exhaustrion, indiffrernce, and self attack are lurking ever present.  But, the gift of knowing that we have loved, and been loved by someone enough to give ourselves completely is ever present in the grit of daily stuff. 

So, the person I see in the mirror and the person I see in my mind need to get together and have a conversation.   Hopefully it will be with a friend or two on a walk. 


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