I Can Still Be Touched By The Spirit Of God

After more than four years of dealing with the stuff of quadriplegia, I've become a bit thick skinned.  I've turned away from the "God is Good" philosophy of life and hung on to just getting by.  There have been times in the dark and sad times of nights alone, that I have decided that my faith has been shallow and not worth clinging to.  Faith.  Faith in what?  Faith that Jed would get better?  Well, he isn't.  Faith that the bills would all get paid?  Well, they aren't.  Faith that there is a God with a plan?  Come on, get real!

Don't give me, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle,"  because that will get me really pissed off at God.  What kind of God throws bricks on a faithful person's head until they are just at the breaking point?One more brick would kill them.  Who and why would any God do that.  I feel one brick short of the breaking load most of the time.  Why would the God I grew up with put them there?

So I walk into church today.  A little bitter and a little, "okay, it's nice to see our dear friends."  I sit through church not really caring about being there, not involved in the sermon...way too not from the heart.  I even check my phone for text messages 3 times.

But then there was the hymn.  Today it was, "Because He Lives."  I've sung and heard this song a million times.  It's just a song.  Not today.  Today it was a direct beam into my hardened heart.  Like most hymns, it's a bit sappy.  Not today.  I couldn't even sing it.  My throat was constricted, the tears in my eyes blurred the words.  "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow...."

It talked about how lovely it is to hold little babies, and I flashed to our beautiful great grand children.  Then I flashed to our Granddaughter fighting cancer and to my daughter expecting in September with no home to take him to.  I looked at Jed.  He was singing too, and I knew that he too, knew that facing tomorrow is a gift from the God we are casual about, get mad at and sometimes hate.

We came home different.  Glad we went to church.  We can't explain it, and for the most part don't try, but every now and then, maybe right before that final brick is put in place, we get touched.  And because we're touched, we can face tomorrow.  

People Are Amazing

Most of you have seen Pinterest.  It's amazing!  What's amazing, is the creativity.   Well, that's not quite right. People have always been creative.  What's amazing about Pinterest, is that people not only create amazing things, but share openly with cyberspace.  Recipes, designs, photos, ideas, beauty....it's out there.  Plastered on the cyberscreen for anyone to say, "wow, I love that."  

So, now, because of Pinterest and the falling economy, and who knows what else, this is the generation of "repurposing."  Yep.  I declare it.  This is the decade of repurposing.  We've gone through several years of economic desperation and what has come out of it is beauty.

Yes, beauty.  People don't have money, but they have ideas and stuff, so they've taken both and mixed them up to make WOW.  Shirts made out of doilies, jewelry made of typewriters, lamp shade of wedding gowns.  New life to stuff.  Great plan.  It would be good to do the same with our lives.

So how can we take the old stuff of our lives and turn it in to beauty?  Today I was looking for some important papers, and while looking, came upon pictures.  Pictures of a life well lived.  Grandchildren and snow and hats and silliness.  Tears just flowed out.  Not as a pinning kind of thing, but a validation.  Validation that life in our little dew drop has been quite wonderful.

Well, I have nothing to say.  I, like most of you, are amazed at the creative stuff' on cyberspace.  It's amazing!  It's like I can tap into all the creative minds in the world.  It's daunting.

But, as awed as I am, I remain in my real world.  Jed is still 100% dependent, and I dream of a life that once was.