Tuesday, October 25, 2011

How Do You Live A Life?

I had an amazing childhood.  Nurtured.  Loved.  Accepted.  Stuff of most peoples dreams.  I had an amazing heritage.  So how do you live a life after that?  It's good to start well.  My start was so good  that I didn't know bad existed.  But then you have to live it yourself.  Try as I will, my attempt seems a bit lacking.  Some would say I've done good.  Some would not agree.  The only one that need evaluate is me.  Me.  Myself.  My life.  Mine.  So, how do you live a life? 

Educate yourself?  Did that.  Marry well?  Did that twice.  Make good friends?  Check.  So, I'm sort of smart, have great companionship and wonderful friends.  Why then do I sometimes feel at the bottom of the food chain about to be eaten by anything that eats?  How do you live a life? 

Sometimes life is just complicated.  Sometimes its just hard.  And sometimes it unbearable.  We move on with the memories of being given a good start and making good decisions, but knowing our reality.  The contradiction is sometimes too much to bear.    

Jed and I have both tried hard to live a good life, be good to people, help people out, love each other and respect and appreciate our heritage.  We've lived a good life.  But, here we are, every day and night, dealing with the truth that he is a quadriplegic and I am a care giver.  We both had a great start.  We both educated ourselves well.  We both have great friends.  We both end each day with a little misery on our shoulder. 

Truth is, it doesn't matter.  Very little matters.  The only thing that seems to matter is peace in the heart.  The peace to face another day when hope seems bleak.  Where that peace comes from is up for dispute.   Some would argue heritage, others would say, God.  Others would argue that the self has the capacity for creating peace.  How do you live a life?  With humility and awe.  It is so very precious.  However it's dealt you, it's yours.  Make it beautiful. 

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