Monday, May 14, 2012

Today is a dying day

Not to be alarmed, but today is a dying day.   It's one of those days when it just seems okay to give up.  I'm sick.  Ubaldo's sick.  Jed's sick.  The three of us don't make a complete person.  And dying seems kind of nice.  Now, to relieve the people who get alarmed, we're not  on the edge.  It just seems comfortable to give up. 

I had a very good friend in my other life who said, "you spend the first half of your life gathering things and the second half getting rid of them."   Well, we are in the second half.  Stuff doesn't have much value to us.  Unless we can sell it on ebay or in the shop.  We've become a bit mercenary.  

We spend lots of time watching TV.  People are dying all over the place on TV.  Bad guys, good guys, guys in the way...just lots of dying.  Lots of times when I watch the fantasy stuff I think about us, how we would make a good movie.  You know, good folks struggling to have some kind of a life.  Some kind, no matter how majestic, just some kind that gives us pride. 

One of my customers at the shop is a very stong Christian and she has said, "It always amazes me that even though we believe that it will be better on the other side, we're not in a hurry to get there." I like that.  Dying days don't come very often.  Days when it's just too hard to live, but it's a comfort to know that it's okay not to be in a hurry. 

It's also a real comfort to know that a dying day isn't bad.  For those of us who have a belief in another life, well, what can be so bad about that.  For years I've met them at the shop.  They are on their dying day, but they somehow come out to either share with me or try to sell.  They are on their dying day.  They are desparate and unconnected with anything that gives them comfort.  Dying days can be recognized.  

Tonight Jed is so sick that he doesn't know whether he wants me to cool him or warm him, cover him or free him.  He is just sick.  And me, well, I've had this miserable cough that comes from the bottom of the basement for several days, and there is just no energy to care what he wants. 

Today I made plans for us to travel to Utah and meet our two new great grand sons.  We will do that in two weeks, so there will be no dying going on until after then.  They are beautiful boys and need to meet their wild and crazy great grandparents. 

So, dying days aren't really days to die.  They're days to remember why not to.  We have fish to catch in Colorado, stories to tell in Utah, things to set straight in Nebraska, and who knows where else to touch with our truth.  Dying days are not so bad.  Gives a grip to the living. 

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