Monday, July 18, 2011

Let Go, Let God

Don't you just hate this title?   Well, I do, but I do...that is, "Let go, let God."  I just have to,  because I've tried to control it, life, without the, " let go,"  theory, but I just get mixed up and messy.  So, here's today. 

I sang at church today.  I can sing and enjoy the experience, so...anyway, Jed decided he didn't want to go.  That was fine and I took off to church to sing. 

Something happens when I go to church.  It's not the cross, or the robes, or the litergy.  It's the people.  I sat there, with a bit of an attitude, (like," life is worse for me, you guys"), but I watched the people.  Gradually they came.

These are people I've known for 23 years.  People I've sang with and laughed with and played with.  But the common element is that I've worshiped with them. 

What I was awed by today it that they were there.  They continue to be there.   Sunday morning.  They are there. 

I looked around and with the exception of maybe one, everyone is in grief.  Everyone has a spouse in ill health, or one that has died, or a pain unrepairable through divorce or children who just didn't cut the mustard. (I've never liked that phrase.)  Then there's the ones who are barely getting by with their health. 

But, they all are dressed up.  They all are there at 9:00 in the morning.  And, they all act like they aren't having any problems.  Shit.  We ask for joys and concerns and everybody is simple.  (A friend has cancer, a mother fell, golly gee, somebody has a birthday, etc.)  Nobody is screaming out, "this is awful, help me!"  We pray a simple prayer and we all go home. 

But, somewhere in the awkwardness of humanity, we become human.   I look at everybody.  They all have amazing trials and they pray for help and guidance.  It's the place where it's okay to silently say, "I can't do this without something bigger than me, and I choose to call it God, and I choose to be here with these people who I feel safe sharing a small part of my life."  That's what makes church good. 

So, skeptic that I am, I say, there are just some times when you have to say, "let go, let God."  The people that I see in chuch know that, and now, so do I.  Sometimes it's just too tough to do it alone, and that is when you just take a deep breath, go into another space and place, and allow the Power that we all know is there to take over.  

I guess I  have to do that tonight, because a possum just walked into our house and I have no idea where it is, so........................

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