Wednesday, December 25, 2013

I've Got To Get A Grip On Christmas

I'm sitting here alone and full of brandy.   The day was good and the people are important.  But, I've got to get a grip on Christmas.  I am a believer.  Yep.  I believe in the whole thing...Virgin birth, Savior came to us under an amazing star...all of it.  I believe.  I also love to believe, and do, in the Santa and magic.   So, here it is, Christmas night.  Everyone's sleeping and I'm trying to get a grip.  It's family, it's food, it's neighbors, it's friends, it's music boxes and baby stories.  Listen, if what I believe is true, the magic is everywhere. 

That little baby who found a manger for a bed didn't come here so we could tell his story.  He came here so we could get a grip.  Life is hard, and it's not.  Life is amazing, and it's not.  Love is everywhere, and it's not.  Day to day we face what we face, and we reach in to what we believe to be true to make it okay.  So, for me, I believe in the miracle.  I believe that God, really, GOD, reached down and gave a part of Himself on Christmas Eve, so that we might look at life differently. 

I spent too much money this Christmas.  I ate too much food.  I drank too much drink.  But, what is that?  It's nothing.  It's living life.  The magic of Christmas is the babies who come home and the books that make us cry.  The magic of Christmas is the knowing.  It's the knowing that under all the worry and fret and anxiety of the future, now is amazing.  Now is a remarkable gift.  . 

Getting a grip on Christmas is getting a grip on self.  As lovely and beautiful as it is, Christmas has only one purpose, and that is to remind us that God is in charge.  It's a beautiful story and I love the songs, but the grip I get is clear.  God is in charge.  Life is short.  Do your best.  God takes care of the rest. 

I've been on my knees a lot this year.  Friends and family have needed my help.  I've screwed up a bunch this year too.  But, here we are, Christmas night.  The fuss is all over and the mess lingers. It's easy to forget why.  Not tonight.  I'm not going to forget.  Jed is asleep and struggling with pain.  We've tried so many things.  Rowan is sleeping just rooms away.  My miracle grandbaby who glows with beauty and wonder.  Future? Get a grip on Christmas!  God is in charge.  He proved it by sending a part of Him to make our stories beautiful.  It's hard to be the watcher of stuff.  I'm the watcher of my husband in great pain and non movement.  The watcher of families starting and struggling.  Backing away and knowing God is in charge is, well, it is just darn hard, but good, and the only thing that I can do with confidence. 

My life can't be much different than anyone else's.  I worry about my loved ones.  I pray for their future.  I struggle to find truth, and I screw up often in the search.  That's why we all need Christmas.  It brings hope in the struggle and beauty in the prayer.  It's just plain important.  Not Santa, or lights, or presents, but the inner stuff.  The stuff that grows in the night and makes tears.  The stuff that wells up and explodes in joy.  It's the hugs in the laundry room and the chat across miles.  It's knowing that hard as we try to take over. we are not.  Christmas is the reminder that It's bigger than us.  I think I have a grip on Christmas. 


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