Sunday, April 20, 2014

Easter After Jed

Today was Easter.  I think it's the first Easter in 30 some years that I haven't gone to church.  I had a very Easter day, however.  I thought about sunrise services of the past.  I thought about singing in and directing the choir, oh so many years.  I thought about Holy week and the many years of doing and being part of the unit called church.  I felt it in my heart, but I just didn't go. 

Instead, today, I slept late, had dinner with two very good friends and one friend's father, saw an amazing movie about heaven, cried as they sang, "Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing," (because that was Jed's "I get it" song.  That song spoke to his heart and thus to mine.  And, finished the day off with planting and beginning the process of "bringing Jed's deck back to life." 

Perhaps it's a memorial to him.  Perhaps it's just therapy for Ubaldo and myself, or perhaps it's just what we enjoy doing, but whatever it is, it is a resurrection. 

Resurrections come in lots of forms.  I believe in the whole thing.  I believe in the baby in the manger, the life of preaching, the example, the hatred, the cross, and the resurrection.  I believe in the message and the purpose.  I believe in it all. 

So, I believe that Jed is in heaven, that he is beside me and is encouraging and looking out for me.  I believe in it all.  And, even though I believe that Jed is in a very good place, I miss him, and I need a resurrection almost every day. 

And, I get it.  Everyday. 

Everyday I get the strength to be happy, the strength to comfort others, the strength to listen and be kind.  Easter is not a one day thing.  Bunnies and baskets, okay, that's one day deal, but Easter, wow, Easter means we go on. 

We go on with something inside us that comes only from nails.  Nails that have no power.  Losing Jed is my nail. Wrenching, life draining nail.  Resurrection takes away the power of nails.  I believe in it all, so I must allow myself to believe in joy. 

Easter after Jed is different than any Easter before.  Easter after Jed might just be the most faith testing of all.  But, once again, today I got a resurrection, had a joyous day with friends, accepted that the hole in my heart will always be there, and I felt thankful for the God who has given it all to me. 

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