Friday, August 15, 2014

Hawks and Eagles and Things That Fly Through Your Mind

Jed's been gone from this earth more than six months.  The part that wouldn't burn is in a box in my closet.  His good friend, Reg called today and we talked briefly about what life is like now.  Well, it's not different at all, and yet there's nothing the same.  I hear Jed's voice constantly, guiding me and giving me validation to move on.  I hear his voice tell me to not doubt myself, to believe in who I am, to be the me that I want to be, that nothing I could do would disappoint him.  We had a love.  He used to say, "people would kill for what we have, Sherry."  How did this beauty come to us?

However it came, and however it continues, is mystery bound in magic.  We had a brief 25 years where we seeped and oozed and made magic and beauty midst prison and ugliness.  We lifted without knowing, we made it laughter, and battle and truth and tears.  We had a love. 

And now he comes to me on wings.  When I need to feel the confidence we gave each other, he is there in a swoop of wings, sometimes a call, always quick.  He rested quickly outside a window of anxiety, he swooped low at James's funeral, he often visits while I sit and think drink on the deck.  His presence is important.  Life without him is pretty much the same as life with him, except it's void of magic.  It's void of insight and spontaneous joy. 

I like to believe that Jed can channel his current existence to this one.  I like to believe that he has chosen to do that through the hawk.  It just makes sense that he would choose the  hawk because he was so enamored by their flight beauty.  And, he would know that I would know. 

The mind is a mystical place.  The faith that there is more than we know is not only mystical, but essential.  So, the things that fly though my mind are hawks and eagles and the faith that there is more than we know, and while I live and breathe on this earth, I will watch hawks and eagles with an awareness that there's more to death than gone.  There's more to life than here.  There's more.  Believing makes it so. 

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