Wednesday, September 9, 2015

One Year of Cancer

It was a year ago that my doctor shook me out of my denial by saying, "what you have is real."  I was trying to convince him that I just needed to lose some weight and the stress of the past few years had taken it's tole.  While both of those are true, I had breast cancer and I now am a one breasted woman. When I look back at this year, all I see is blur.  "It wasn't so bad," is what I told my daughter and she reminded me that indeed, mom, it was.  Four surgeries.  Chemotherapy.  Baldness.  Prosthetic.  Bed, bed, bed.  Blur.  Foggy memories.  Pain.  Marijuana to help.  But now I feel good.  I wish I had my breast, but it's a long scar instead.  I wish I had my husband, but that's not to be.  I wish, I wish, I wish.  But what I have is simple joy.  The misery and pain is in the past.  Memories of adventures with Jed are warm and fulfilling.  My energy is back and the future is there for the living.  Decisions are possible.  New adventures are too.  I can't say that I'm glad I had cancer, but cancer has given me a gift of discernment.  Been there.  Done that.  Moving on with thankfulness.  

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