Saturday, December 31, 2011

What's it really like?

I talk on and on about how blessed we are.  But what's it really like?  How does our day go?  Well, we wake up because Jed is in pain.  His nerve pain is unmerciful and a shirt or a blanket or a pillow touching an unmedicated spot brings this strong, "I'm not afraid of anything," man to tears and cries of anguish.  Pills are critical and take hold quickly.  After about 20 min. he is able to have breakfast and think about the day.  Bed bath is the norm.  We have an outdoor shower built for him but the winter, even though it is California, keeps us in, not out.  So, bed bath and dress.  Then breakfast.  It's now about an hour after we have risen.  Breakfast and Fox Business.  I know more about the price of gold than I ever thought possible.  Then it's teeth brushing.  He wants to do it himself, but it's a challenge.  So, we prop the pillow, place the arm, place the electric toothbrush and go.  Often he drops it.  Often he cusses.  Just part of the day.  Grip.  He has little grip.  How can you hold on to a toothbrush with no grip?  Somehow we get through the process feeling accomplished. 

Then we face the day.  "On your side?"  Since he had the shingles, about 4 weeks now, he hasn't had the energy to do anything but get through the day.  No standing practice.  No walking practice.  No standing machine.  We just decide whether he should be on one side or the other.  I guess it's depressing.  He was making good progress before, but we try to realize that this is just a set back, not a pattern of life.  So this is what it's really like. 

And, on top of it all he just got news that his forever friend died.  That happens to us all, but Jed has no power.  No power to visit.  No power to greet.  He just has to internalize it all and turn to the other side. 
Me, I'm drinking brandy.  That's what it's really like. 

But, in the midst of our daily ritual of managing pain and ignoring reality, we have fun.  We visit with friends, we argue about movie trivia, we tease Ubaldo.  This life sucks.  But it is quite remarkable at the same time.  We are blessed.  Probably no more than the rest of you, but we have been put in a position where we are forced to realize it. 

No comments:

Post a Comment