Thursday, January 14, 2010

Arrogance comes from feeling that what you are going through indeed is important enough that others would like to hear.  Reality is that others really don't care.  What they want is for you to be fine.  For you to tell them that all is fine, and for you not to complicate their already cluttered lives with the details of not fine.  So we all run around being fine, and not really touching anyone because touching hurts.  "How's your husband?" they ask.  They don't really want to know.  What they want to hear is,"oh, he's making progress and doing well, it's hard but we're both fine."  Fine, fine, fine, fine.  No one really cares.  They do, but they can't do a damn thing about whatever they care about so they just smile and nod and say something kind or foolish or awkward.  I remember when we really were fine.  I was the same.  I pretended to care too.  It's just too complicated to really care.  After all, who can fix a spinal cord?  Who can do anything?  This is a dark night.  We are fine.  Our fine has just changed so that now our fine is rather primitive and biological.  We are fine.  Fine.  Whoever came up with that word?  Why do we ever say, "how are you?" to people?  We really don't want to know. 

1 comment:

  1. What a painful realization. No one really wants to one really has the time, no one likes to face their ineffective and helplessness to change things for the suffering. But why didn't I at least listen? This is the place to listen, where you could be real to those who care. Forgive me for not taking the time much earlier. But I am hoping you found your very best Friend didn't fail you...