Have you ever been bit in the ass by a spider? Let me assure you that your energies will be focused on your bottom end for quite an extended period of time. Imagine the circumference of a drinking glass as hard as a rock, flaming red and very painful. Of course, it's also right where you sit.
No more information is needed. That's why I haven't written. Any free time has been spent soaking in a hot salty tub. One night while I sat soaking I looked differently at the stainded glass window that is above our tub and became so appreciative of the unknown hands that made it, that I was brought to tears. I soaked out the pain as I examined the beauty and detail that had gone into the window at another time and in another country. All I know about the window is that I bought it from a local antique store (before I was the best in the county) and asked Jed if he would "cut a hole in the wall and put this window there." I had undeveloped appreciation of the love and skill it would take for him to complete the task, but he did. Because I asked him to.
But, as I lay there soaking out the poisens of an eight legged intruder to my underwear, I was overwhelmed with the beauty. Not only the beauty and symmentry of the window, but the beauty and symmentry of life itself.
Once, my Jed could lift a huge and delicate window, carry it up a trecherous stair, cut a hole in a wall to precision and fit the window that I had picked out fresh off the boat from "somewhere in Europe" into the perfect spot. It's there now for me to enjoy when life, or spiders, slow me down a bit. There's beauty and balance in all that. I like to imagine the person who put lead to colored glass and while I do both spider pain and life"s uneasiness soak gently away.
Now, Jed and I celebrate self-standing. Practice for yourself for a moment and think about what it takes to stand up. We do it without thought. Jed has to concentrate and demand performance out of every muscle in order to make the self-stand possible. Even then it is fleeting. One minute, two, once we made five minutes. He was used up. He had put everything into 5 minutes of being upright without help.
We're a stained glass window. One day we will be a beautiful example of perserverance and choice, but now, we're just pieces of broken parts trying to bond and find the connection that will make us beautiful. One day someone will be soaking away their pain and will look at us and be brought to tears for the beauty of creativity. Until then we will fit the pieces we have in to what we can.