Tuesday, May 18, 2010

So today he went to therapy.  First time in 2 weeks.  It went okay, but he is so tired.  Tired is the word for the dayl  He's tired, I'm tired, Ubaldo is tired.  We work hard at not being tired., but tired just catches up and takes over. Tired can own you.  Tired is a master.  Tired can control everything if you but let it.  Tired is a cruel equilizer.  Tired just is.  The fight against tired is cruel.  Sit, stand, lift, lift again, lift lift, lift. 

Nobody thinks about the mechanics of lifting a leg, or arm, until it is impossible.  Right now lift your leg at bended knee 10 times.  Do it.  And think about it.  Ten times.  It was't hard was it?  But for Jed, it is a major event, a relevation, it is an amazing accomplishment.  The spinal cord is in control.  Yours is doing what it was meant to do, Jed's is not. 

We don't complain about our lot in life.  We just are aware.  We are aware that most people spend a lifetime worring about the unimportant.  It is so clear to us now that our focus needs to be on love.  Love for one another, love for family, love for the history that we have and love for the future.  Love is a well used word but critical in our existance.  Love.  When you say  the word love,  freedom pours our of your skin.  Love..   Empowering and  complete.  Love.  We only get one chance at this life.   We do our best, gather the best around us, and pray that what we have done will be seen as acceptable, but the truth is, none of us really know. 

Jed and I both spent most of our productive lifes as teachers.   Small joys come to us from those years.  That's probably how it should be.  Small joys and short stories.  We have many of them, short stories of children.  We like to think we made a difference, and for some we probably did, but for most we were just there.  We were a stepping stone, a passage, an unimportant memory that will fade.  That is hard to accept, but a truth that will prevail. 

Now, we focus on simple stuff.  How to stand, how to take a simple step, how to to a sit up, how to be upright longer than prone.  We rememeber the expectatons we put on children and we wonder if we could ahieve what we once expected from them. 

We are not bitter, we are just aware.  Aware is a good thing.  Aware  makes us free to be complete. 

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